Did you and your partner find it difficult to chose god parents/legal guardians for your child? How did you ultimately decide? Anyone upset at not being chosen?
I find this task daunting.
We have approximately 90 more days until the arrival of our new little addition, and have gotten the question, “Have you chosen the god parents, yet?” several times. Each time we respond, “we haven’t decided yet.” — and receive an emphatic, “you need to.”
For some people, this role is a symbolic, spiritual guide for a child–the person who hosts the child’s religious induction, etc. someone chosen to take a special interest in their child’s upbringing and personal development.
To us, god parents are the legal guardians dictated by the parent’s last will and testament.
My own “god parents” were my grandparents. They were just barely pushing their 40’s when I was born. My mother’s sister was chosen as the “back up” to my grandparents in their will. Thankfully, no one needed to fulfill this role.
Legal guardians are who is going to take your child into their home and raise them in the event of you and your partner’s tragic end. This isn’t something chosen for novelty or to placate someone else. My husband and I are the legal guardians for my uncles’ new little daughter. They know they can rely on us if such a time comes. It was an honor to be asked.
Yet, here we sit. My family, his family. One family lives in another country, the other in another state. A mod podge of individuals, divorced, exciting lives of no stability, or pushing well into their 50’s with the ever-constant fervor of time. You can’t ignore an entire side of the child’s family by the simple measure of distance. You travel annually to see them after all, it’s not like they will be strangers.
Maybe your youngest cousin is the best option. They are fated for a solid and successful life and would raise your child enthusiastically with love and compassion–providing a stable household when your child’s life turns upside down–but that youngest cousin is also currently 16. You cannot see their future anymore than your own.
You only have the “now” to look at and to think, “In the next 18 years… what if…”
Your own parents have qualified to join AARP for a few years now, and frequently chirp away about how they plan to handle their retirement. What about divorced parents?
You have a pool of people to think about and then ask.
The ones who frequently joke/comment on hating children. The ones who can’t sit still in their own life. The ones who are too young. The ones who would carry this added weight as great financial burden, even if they would do it if called upon. The ones who would never honor your parental/cultural ideologies. The ones who live in the middle of no where without any educational facilities.
The ones who expect to be given this role.
Our decision is tumultuous at best. Am I alone in this?