Around the world there are pregnant women being celebrated and blessed to ensure a happy and safe entrance into motherhood. In Tamil Nadu, India this ceremony is called Valaikappu.
The valaikappu is typically hosted by the woman’s parents in either her 9th or 7th month of pregnancy. However, my parents are Americans and don’t have the faintest idea about these things (and live in another state), and our friend Swathi was determined to see us properly blessed before she flew back to India and asked to host this ceremony for us–she is too sweet!
The date picked was the date of our first wedding anniversary. My husband and I felt there was no better way to celebrate our first anniversary than to be celebrating the upcoming birth of our first child.
While the event itself is generally non-religious, and is celebrated by Hindu, Muslim, and Christian woman across Tamil Nadu , ours incorporated a Hindu puja.
My friend told me I should wear my wedding saree for the valaikappu if I could. I did have my wedding saree from our Indian wedding ceremony but…oh my… ladies, can you imagine squeezing your pregnant hineys back into your wedding dress?? If I gained or lost a lb before the US ceremony then I had to get that gown professionally altered. Fit into it during my pregnancy? Ha!
“I’m so glad we have this beautiful tradition.”
Luckily, sarees (wedding or otherwise) always come with a generous seam allowance just for the purpose of weight gain. So I took out all of the seams and sewed along the very edge of the fabric…it [barely] fit. I breathed a sigh of relief–though not too big of a sigh, for fear of ripping my blouse.
For the ceremony you should have quite a few things.
You should have 9 or 11 fruits. The quantity of each fruit depends, but we did one of each–you should definitely have a coconut and bananas! We had: coconut, bananas, pineapple, apple, lemon, orange, pomegranate, plum, and a peach. We also had incense, ghee lamp, turmeric and uncooked rice, sandalwood paste, kumkum powder, flower petals, and sweets.
Our coconut was broken open and inside was a small baby coconut growing, which is considered to be very good luck. Hooray!
Glass Bangles are the most significant bangles for Valaikappu, as the music of them tapping together is supposed to awaken the babies senses. The mother-to-be wears them for the remainder of her pregnancy. The gold bangles went first, followed by the colored glass bangles. Red for the right arm, and green for the left in odd numbers.
The couple and Ganesh should be situated facing east. There was some argument as to which side of Shiva that Parvati sits (so as to determine my placement next to my husband), but it was determined that the best spot was on his right side. The ghee-lamp was passed in front of us, and then it was time to put on the bangles.
After the bangles, sandalwood paste was marked on our foreheads and hands and topped with kumkum powder. Turmeric-coated rice and rose petals were sprinkled on our heads and we were blessed.
We gave thanks to our elders and I fed my sweetie some sweets and then he fed me. Ladoo is a popular sweet, and is what we used–but I’m a sucker for gulab jamun sandwiches.
They look so delicious… I ate two of them later on…
Next was lunch! The common lunch for valaikappu is variety rice. Usually there are five kinds of variety rice: lemon rice, curd (yogurt) rice, tomato rice, sambhar rice, and a sweet rice. Our party was small so we had lemon, tomato, and curd. Lucky me, the mother-to-be eats first! Yum.
American Amma 
This is great, I have a friend who is having a South Indian style baby shower (her husband is from Chennai, as is mine coincidentally) and I was trying to figure out how this ceremony works. So I’ve happened upon your blog here, it’s really lovely! Do you know where one can find these bangles in the US? or online?
If you live near a larger city, the Indian grocery stores might carry the glass bangles. The golden bangles are not required, but I think it would be hard to find. There are many online resources though–try utsavfashion.com best wishes to your friend!!!
Thank you for sharing. I’m expecting my 2nd child and never had a bangle ceremony for my 1st child (DS) because my parents are non Indians. But, my husband wants to have a bangle ceremony this time round for our DD. 😍
Congrats! It’s a lovely tradition 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing. Today is mine hosted by some friends too but I feel totally lost without knowing what to expect. Now I am on my way with a better idea 😀
Thanks again!
Have the MOST wonderful time at your valaikappu. Congrats!
Thank you for sharing. Very helpful for people who left India and migrated long time ago.
MA husband’s grandma died and am pregnant 3 am months is valaikapu function can do or not or if can at which month can do???
5 or 7 months is the most-common, but mostly it is the odd numbered months, and 3 is odd numbered. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
Sorry to hear about the passing of your husband’s grandma. Much love to you and your family.
Valaikapu can do or not .can do Na ? At which month can do bcoz grandma died so due to that 6 months shouldn’t do any function in our family so is MA valaikapu is possible.
That varies between families, so I’m not sure. My husbands family do not eat meat for one year after the passing of a loved one but can still attend functions. This ceremony is a puja for the mother and the wearing of glass bangles for their music to help the child. Maybe consider a humble puja for your family with the bangles, and wear the glass bangles for your child if you want to avoid making it a function and have something more humble. I would say to do at 7 months if this is a good alternate.
Our marriage is love marriage ,in MA home side still dey didn’t accept me .MA husband is MA dad’s sister son so in our marriage my parents they didn’t accept us.so from MA home side dey wnt do .due to death in MA hubby side I think MA valaikapu is impossible. I think
This ceremony is not with our family either, they live very far away and we are a love marriage as you can see as well. Only recently after our son was 1 years old did they accept us. This valaikappu is done by girls family mostly. My family is an American family who do not know what a valaikappu is, so a very dear friend asked to host my valaikappu. Don’t let “impossible” cloud your mind. Your baby is blessed by your love first and the valaikappu will always be secondary to that. ❤
Yes, even if your husband’sgrandma passed on you can do this. wait for 45 days after her death a on a nice day have the ceremony. this is to ward off depression when pregnant. just call few friends and do ganesh puja wear henna the previous day wear bangles give bangle to guests 2 each is enough, have fun, eat good food be happy. in 15 days my daughter will hasve her valaikappu. Goodluck and happiness always.
Thanks for sharing, i live in SA and want to do this for my daughter in law
Congratulations! I hope she has a wonderful valaikappu ceremony 🙂
Does my daughter have to wear a black sari for her bangle function ?
Hello, Savita! Typically bright colors are considered auspicious, so I am not aware of a tradition to wear all black or even dark colors. The tradition I know of is for the bride to wear her wedding sari. I hope this helps.